After that “unhairy” incident last month, it was only natural that my neighbor will retaliate. And she did, guns blazing. She had secured the services of a famous witchdoctor in our locality, tagged the “mean grandma” for her efficacy of smoking out witches. As usual, I was there to witness the event as I’m too idle since people stopped posting their personal dramas on facebook for my benefit these days.
I squeezed my way through the crowd to earn a VIP spot, a few steps from the witchdoctor. The victim was standing next to the old lady, crying inconsolably. I could sense some pretence in her grief. I guessed she just wanted more sympathy coins in her pouch. I like her a little less now since she openly claimed that the “witch” should visit the rich people in those iron sheet houses( my plot) instead of fellow poor people. Some nerve!
To the east, I could see the purported “witch” cleaning an old woven basket in front of her house. I had previously heard that she uses the basket to “fly” out to undertake her “missions” at night. I had almost been tempted to go ask her for a business partnership. Can you imagine the much money we can make offering fool proof, traffic free transport to people? Hell, you wouldn’t even need a visa or passport to visit countries abroad! Buuut, that’s a topic for another day.
So there we were, waiting anxiously for the witch to be revealed.
“I have brought with me my agents, they will lead us to the witch’s house! “, the witchdoctor shouted, opening a bag to reveal 5 snails. I laughed a little at this point believing that was some sort of mockery. Obviously by the time the snails crawl to the next house it’ll be nightfall. A few people shared my views and were threatening to leave. Shock on us! The snails started galloping like miniature horses and that’s when I knew that place was no longer for the faint-hearted. There’s a cloud of dust where the victim stood two milliseconds ago. People were running in all directions. Crash! Crash!.. Some of the snails faced the wrath of my dusty feet. I ran so fast that I couldn’t feel my legs, flaring my arms like drowning man.
“If you are going to ride on my back, the least you can do is just stay still”, I heard a voice. What in the world?! I opened my eyes to find myself on the back of Jayjay, the village’s most muscular guy. I must have hopped on it in the heat of the moment or maybe I fainted and he carried me.. I don’t know . I’m just glad I opened my eyes when I did coz I am not sure whether he was saving or kidnapping me.
I then took refuge in a shop two villages away and only returned home at dusk. I heard the witchdoctor had packed up and left since she 4 of her agents had met their death during the chaotic episode . Then again, no one was there to witness the direction the last surviving snail went to and so the operation was deemed to be null and void.